One of the fundamental lessons of bikes: 'look where you want to go vs. what's immediately in front of you/where you don’t want to go'. In other words, eyes up/do not hone in on that sidewall sheering rock. We've all heard this before. Yet I consistently (still) need to remind myself all the time. Chuck it up to experience, but I think there's something more to it.
I haven't shared my Dani-brain writing with the world in quite some time. Much of it has been rather personal this past year, which has been intentional. 2019 was a big deal for me, so this is an excellent exercise for me to summarize and reassess. Back to that navigation. Up until I got that lovely concussion I did to myself at the end of 2018, I was only looking down. It's easy to get comfortable, or give into old behaviors. I wasn't challenged or appreciated in my previous job, and I was using racing for worth and purpose. Even though bike racing has never been my single source of revenue, it's easy to get sucked in. The highs of feeling good can out-weigh the bad, and is rather addicting. To be completely honest, I've never had the intention or hope of becoming a bike racer as my full-time career. So what was I doing here? Cue - new job, January 2019. At the time I felt like I was punching above my weight, but that's my default mode, and I made it my mission to completely embrace the challenge and determine what gets my gears going in the morning. Needed to upgrade that Mapquest brain of mine to that new age of Waze technology. By the time you print something out, there’s an accident on I90. This is where I altered my mindset to be more fleixble rather then such a worry wart. Coachman Grant was a broken record of "what's your why" or "get to vs got to", so I was likely the good kind of brainwashed. Some call the points below 'rants'; I call it constant learning /reminders for myself. The follwong have been lightbulb moments for me this year: Confidence When you have a greater purpose, decisions are much easier and the process is more heavily trusted. I’ve had some dark, lonely moments this year, but I always went back to the mission. Never feel like you need to explain to someone your racing or riding with "man, I don't get to train that much". First off, no one cares… and don't give it (the win) to me that easily, your doubt is showing. If/when you do poorly, are you mad about your effort or about how others perceive your effort? You know what you're getting yourself into - who cares about those other schmucks. Write your own purpose. Unless you're the top racers who earn a salary to race their bike, or you've created a lifestyle for yourself, quit acting like this is a surprise. It’s a choice. Adaptability I was on the road for work 2-3 weeks out of the month this past year. There was no room for worrying about marginal gains or spending 3 hours a day exercising. I just needed to be sure I was staying healthy and sleeping while using the hour I was able to workout as something which fueled my day. Honestly, I didn't have time to worry about my power numbers, which is an incredible peace of mind. Don't get me wrong, I had my moments of breakdown and questioning. This usually indicated a reassessment of my priorities. So.... I can have whiskey and still feel fine? - excellent. I avoided overindulgence, and listened to my body. In the end, I prevented myself from over-training, and never felt burnt on the bike. I was going back and forth between "adaptability" and "deliberate" as this paragraph suggests. Cross isn't about the consistent tempo riding, so completely removing that as an option, and allowed me to feel rested and more deliberate in my workouts. Opportunity Racing in different cities opens so many incredible doors for exploration. We had a team rule: do a touristy thing in every city visited for racing. Bike racing can sometimes turn into a single tracked mindset which can feel like a major waste if everything on earth goes wrong. We went on a duck boat trip tour in Boston…us nerds ate that up! No disrespect to those who appreciate consistency, I'm only suggesting we continuously work to expand perspective. This sport is incredibly intense. For me, I can't "fake it". I’m emotionally driven, and I’m constant awe of what a body can do, so I try to use that to my advantage as much as possible. Care less vs Careless You may be thinking at this point, "pff, whatever altruistic millennial". Maybe not, I have a confidence issue - remember. Each of us wants to do well. We put in the work and sacrifice, we have sponsor obligations, and we make mistakes that feel like dog poop. It's how you react to conflict, valleys, and setbacks. You can choose to pay attention to the jagged rocks, or look ahead. Stay Mentally Stimulated - Really Dig in There I am now very much addicted to Headspace. Still a little salty that I broke my 100+ day streak after ending a session past 12am. But truly, this exercise, along confiding in close friends, mentors and coaches save me from death by breakdown. I learned the worst thing to do (personally) when I'm totally burned is to do nothing. I cannot sit still, and doing nothing digs me deeper in the endless pit of anxiety. Instead, I would focus on games, cleaning, reading, podcasts, and even mundane activities like expense reports. Focus the mind on something easy. Additionally, "nothing" can translate to "ignore". I'm great at suppressing, but I really have been trying to articulate my feelings. Whether it be through those mentioned above (God help them), or through writing. Play Nice What I never understood - why are you so angry in races? I get it, moments happen. But it's one of those things: if you're consistently looking for the crazy person on the train, chances are - it's you. Don't be that crazy person on the train. Community You may see through the medias, all the chatter around our team and partners and I want to be very clear - the people who make our little crew possible are people and brands we want to not only represent, but be around! The posts are authentic. We are all friends and we love kicking it with each other. Luke said it once: "Work with athletes who share your values", and I totally agree. However, I know this isn't always accessible or possible. But have you really tried to build a relationship with your sponsors? Chances are, at least one will share similar principles. Running? This isn't insightful at all - just a cool thing: running small amounts translated extraordinarily well on the CX course. I've never felt so good lugging a bike up mud hills or the 5280 stairs. This somehow sounds like an insurance commercial - "act now and even YOU can finish a CX race without a shuffle/walk death march". To Cap This Off I say the following because I know most bike racers are as busy as I am - if not more (kids, etc.). I am currently the Portfolio Management Officer for a Cloud Service Provider company (2nd Watch). Work weeks typically are 50+ hours, with a lot of travel built in. I mapped 25 different hotel rooms this year where my bike has been because of work. This was a personal challenge I had for the year, and a very extreme goal. But guess what? I'm not special. Have you seen the top CX women and men in the country lately? They are Scientists, Lawyers, Doctors, and full-time professionals. Extraordinary and inspiring. I wanted to see what I could do, and how I could balance as I search for the things which rev the engine of stoked each day. In the end I was able to meet so many incredible people and experience countless cities. I raced over 25 race days between gravel and Cyclocross. This includes my longest bike ride ever via race (Steamboat Gravel) and a Baby Masters National Champ win. The perspective shifts really helped me appreciate every bit of racing, and being with my teammates/bike friends this year. Really thankful for Forever Endurance for their flexibility on a weekly - sometimes daily basis. I was able to pay off my student loans and while continuously working to accelerate my career path. It's all a choice. None of this is done on my own. Including the support system already mentioned, my husband Alex has played a crucial role in my craziness. Although he knew what he got himself into, he continuously takes the initiative to help myself and the team out. We had mechanic plans fall through, and he really stepped in to help us out. Never complained and never asked for anything in return. Couldn't have done so much without his support. Looking forward to build the learning momentum and continue some new adventures in 2020.
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